The cost of living alone!

Monday, 21 December, 2009

Sometimes I just do not know how to start my writing. Other times I feel like I have lots of stories to share, but when I get on keyboard, I fail to compose any thoughts of a story to put on my blog. Sometimes, instead of writing something, I spend lots of hours simply looking at the screen of the computer, well at least spending time chatting in those java-powered chat rooms online.

Am afraid to say that am married to this machine, it's my wife, it's my brother, it's my best friend; but again, it's not equal to human beings. We are human beings, right? No matter how we live our lives and try to isolate ourselves from the society in which we live, we still end up in someone's presence, which in Uganda, is a risk to our lives. I usually ask myself when I will ever overcome isolation. Why am I on the edge of life? Why do I feel stateless? There must be something wrong with my land of enchantment--Uganda

I have lived in Uganda for all my life and learnt the ugly part of Ugandans and its ugly face of the Ugandan townships in which I have lived. As a result, I married my computer and settled in the remotest areas of the suburbs in Kampala. It's really fine to be home alone, but again, as time goes on you simply feel a need to tough a human being, to feel the warmth of belonging that you isolated yourself. If you want to know the ugly part of this Country-Uganda, You need to look no further than religion--or superstition--that has closed the mind to scientific inquiry and its results.

From early childhood, we're taught that there is a god and our devotion is oriented to "serving" and "loving" this god, or several gods, which does not encourage or enhance our love for one another as people.

We can observe the difference between a mother with one child and a mother with eight children.

A mother's love is not boundless. The mother has only so much time to devote to her offspring. The more children, the more time the mother must spend away from the family to work. The child without siblings will receive his entire mother's love, but the child with seven other siblings will receive only one-eighth of his mother's love--if that. If he's not one of mother's favourites, he may be neglected all together.

Likewise with religion. Since there is no god, then there is no love from this entity. The religious leaders want the followers to devote ALL their time to serving this god. But we're taught to pour our love into this imaginary being in order to receive "salvation" that we end up not loving each other as humans. We are forced to submit and to conform to a biblical standard, lest this god come down and strike us all dead.

It is out of fear that the religionists cannot allow anyone in their community to stray like a lost sheep, and must be picked up and brought back into the flock or the fold. Those who resist must be punished. Celebrating and enjoying our unique personalities is forbidden. The less religion in a country, the prettier the face of the people.

Aaaah, have I failed to find someone? I think not but the continuous statement of the society disregarding homosexuality and the current attempts by the state to pass a law that will criminalise homosexuals and put some to death had pushed me under my bed.

Under that bed, I think of all the campaigns I initiated to free the GLBT people in Uganda. I recall and meditate on the times I have been thrown of houses, drove off the taxis, warned by Moslems to cut off my head simply because I'm an atheist. I think of the rejection of GLBT people themselves because I refused to allow them to use me for a sex object,they were unconcerned about the political oppression gays suffer.They were concerned with their biological needs at the moment, but were not willing to take the time and the risks to up-end the political repression in Uganda.It's because of this,people like Bahati felt that since there was no political movement by gays (but that's because of oppression already), that he could get away with his hateful bill.

This rejection is a story in itself which I will post in the near future." The reason is that I find heterosexuals more attentive to politics, whereas gay people are so often mindless hedonists.

Exceptions would be Rodney Croome ,Peter Tatchell and a number of other activists. But when you group all the gay activists together, they're still only a small part of the GLBT community. So the chances of running into an intellectual gay person is slim. And those who are active, are so burdened with so many responsibilities, that they don't have time to sit down with you on a regular basis to discuss the politics of repression and how to overcome the oppression. To do so, requires activating most of those hedonistic gays. It can be really discouraging. But am an activist--at least in mind and heart. Again from my experiences, i need a friend "to walk with me" Are you the one?

It is a great pity that after the terror regime of Idi Amin, Uganda once more has become a dictatorship. I blame the British for taking no account of tribal differences and simply drawing lines on maps that suited them and calling them countries. Uganda should perhaps be at least three different countries. Africa is a very sad continent. Too many people, too much illness, too many dictators, too many problems... It's this misery that adds up to my loneliness and life becomes a prison for me here in Uganda.

Uganda is now the most religious African country and therefore the most homophobic. Since my readers are now above 50 years of age, I must say that it was wonderful to live in the 1960's and seventies when the world population was less than half it is now. Today everywhere is so crowded it is very unpleasant to live or travel, and there is an increasing threat of terrorism in my age now.

So my friend, drive your sorrow away, you had more time to enjoy life than me.