What is your opinion,as an atheist and as a parent(People think i must be a parent at my age) about teens having sex?Should it be permitted? What are the implications and how do you deal with it? This is a question that greeted me when i visited my usual place tonight,am not a party animal but i sometimes pass by Caanan restaurant to meet friends who nicknamed "Dr Kalungi" because of my stand always on many topics and i always present them in an Atheistic view and those who know me sometimes find reasons to smile while listening to me and enjoying their tea,pork,coffee and sometimes wines.
Iam not sure why they nicknamed me so but one guy told me that "its because of my sexual talks" i don't recall when i last came to Canaan restaurant and of course this time,they are the one who invited me for a cup of coffee having known about my hernia surgery,they wanted to make me feel good and loved atleast. Below is my answer to their questions.
I have no kids of my own.I do have a little kid who happens to be my good friend who is now 12 and has visible peach fuzz on his upper lip, and spends a lot of time on the phone talking to girls he likes. He also bragged to me about having hit puberty before his other friends.We really talk much and i love to be trusted by him. In this post,i won't mention the names of this child!.
I know that his parents have talked to him about sex and puberty, because they told me they did.And he was quite open with me about knowing to use condoms,and how he shouldn't go on one-on-one dates until he's 16 years old. (He goes on group outings now-3 guys, and 3 girls, with a chaperon).
Since I have a great relationship with my friend, and he is so open with me,I decided to tell him what I thought. I told him that sex education can teach him all about the plumbing and the biology, but that understanding the emotions and the reality of dating and having a serious relationship is something that can only come with experience.
I told him that in puberty, the hormones rage hard and can cloud judgment,and that,coupled with lack of experience,can lead kids to make bad choices about sex and sexuality,so it's better to wait until the time is right.
I also talked to him about how easy it is to treat girls like objects or things that guys can possess, and how many guys see sex as something you "get" rather than something you share.I wanted him to understand and value girls as people, rather than as objects of gratification. He's too young to really understand, but at least I have him thinking about it.
I told him then, to sum it all up, that there's a difference between "having sex," and "making love." He asked me what the difference was, and I said, "until you know, you aren't ready for either one. And even when you do know, you're still probably not ready."
It was a good talk.I think it was good though mainly because I was honest and open and didn't bullshit him in any way.I didn't preach in any way either. I shared my personal values with him -the values I live by.
And I think values are the key. I live on a a shanty area, surrounded by young poor people. Invariably I see young people who get into a lot of trouble, are very rebellious, do lots of things they shouldn't, and basically just ignore everything their parents ever told them.I also see quite a few young people who are exemplary people, who have strong values and live by them.
I noticed a pattern when talking with these kids. The ones who rebel and get into trouble always speak of their parents only in terms of rules their parents have given them, and typically they mention how their parents don't follow their own advice or rules.
The kids who have values and live by them, however, speak of their parents with examples. They tell me things they've seen or heard their parents do. They never say things like, "my dad tells me not to lie, and one time I saw my dad be honest," no, it's never that overt. It's usually more a case of the kid telling me something about their parents casually, that tells me that their parents have strong values and live by them.
In short, I think the kids I know who are moral and honorable have parents who aren't hypocrites and who lead by example.
I hope something I say here can inspire someone there.